4 days into the New Year and so much had already happened. My mother-in-law passed. I missed 2 weeks of work. I spent 2 days 3 hours away. I had an abundance of mixed feelings. Around a lot of new people and a lot of old ones. I got Covid. Almost lost my job. Gain a beautiful 10 yr old little girl. Gained enemies.
A lot of up and downs went on through out this whole month. It caused issues and it healed wounds.
I'm sure there is more....
Omg! I swear I may have just come to an amazing realization. Abusive people…were they taught the abuse or were they just not shown how to control themselves as children because their parents allowed them to throw tantrums. Tantrums include but are not limited to: hitting, kicking, screaming, punching, damaging property, and so much more. People who have emotional dysregulation &/ other emotional issues as adults do these exact actions. So maybe they learned how to get away with certain things with certain people. Like…🤯 …I mean they could have just been given a handbook at some point…
I was just sitting here thinking, “I could just ruin it all. Right now.” I had that whole thought. I'm tired of how I feel. Failure, insane, mean. But only I can change that. So I processed that entire thought. From beginning to end. And only one thing stuck out, my kids. Their faces bc I yet again broke a promise to them. Their hearts bc I yet again ran away from my responsibilities bc they were too much. The amounts of therapy they'd all need. I sat here & I watched that life unfold in my head & the pain I feel from it, it's real & it fucking hurts.
Sometimes I'm not going to agree with you & have valid points not to agree, you're going to have to accept that.
It's sad that you swear you “need” me but you only “need” me when it's convenient to you. (Financials) You rarely express your want for me & that shows me where you are in your life.
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