Photo Dump

Recenlty

 The last few weeks have been spent with me healing and learning self love and how to be me. It's been spent on the lake and river. I even got to go to the Beach. I will be posting some photos soon. I truly have to thank my wifey and her husband for helping me express me. Being the free spirited person I have always been and being accepted for it has brought tons of joy into my heart. My cup is no longer empty and it seems that it will remain that way. I'm super excited about my kids birthday party this weekend. 

Some other stuff has occurred and I'm not quite ready to open that can of worms yet. I want to keep the haters and stalkers guessing and waiting. 

To My Wifey

Thank you. Thank you for understanding me and helping me understand myself. Thank you for pushing me to love myself. Thank you for everything you have done for me & continue to do for me. 

Today is the first time in 4 yrs that I truly am happy & enjoying myself. Doing something I thoroughly enjoy. Thank you for it all. Today I am doing something I haven't been able to do & bc of you I get to enjoy my day. 

Journal Prompt #1

 What is your biggest struggle with loving yourself?

My biggest struggle with loving myself is simply because no one showed their love for me growing up. No one showed me how to love anyone including myself. I am slowly learning and I did have a few people growing up that showed me love, however, I wasn't exactly allowed to be stuck up their asses. My great Aunt Lena and my great Uncle Lonnie. They couldn't have kids, but I was treated as if I was one.

Lena allowed me to play with her jewelry and her makeup. She let me play dress up in her clothes. She'd take me out to the chicken coop and we'd gather eggs together. She let me play her old piano, even though I had no idea how to actually play. I loved wandering about their home and it always felt like a home away from home. It was always quiet and peaceful and sometimes it bothered me so I would of course create some chaos in the mix. Lonnie never seemed bothered by me being around and he'd take me out on the farm to pick veggies or water, or even just a tractor ride. Lena passed when I was around the age of 12. Lonnie passed when I was 19. My oldest and first born son has Lonnie's middle name, James. I was pregnant with him when he passed. Their passing's weren't taken very well for me.

My grandfather was someone else whom I hear stories of. He loved me more than his own children apparently. He passed when I was 5, so I don't remember very much.

My Pop's. Pop's was introduced to me later in my life, roughly 24-ish. He isn't related to me by blood, but he will always be a father figure to me. He showed me unconditional love, he helped me when I desperately need someone and he encouraged me to chase my dreams. Pop's passed several years ago, unfortunately I was unable to be around during that time.

All of these people showed me in different ways how to love and how I should love myself. It has taken me until now to actually see what I needed to see in myself to love me for me. To embrace myself. I truly am enjoying learning who the true me is. I like standing my ground and living my life to the fullest. I still struggle with the "When are you due?" "What are you having?" I am so over the pregnancy questions. I am trying to incorporate a workout routine for myself and having the time isn't exactly the issue either, it's the comfortability of who is around me. I'm not self conscious I don't think, however, I may have some discomfort with others watching or seeing me workout. I am growing my hair out, I keep telling people it's because I made people promises, mainly because I made myself a promise. I will not cut more than an inch off at a time and only once a month.

I have incorporated a self care day at least once a week, which is technically going great because I am showering at least 3 days a week for work and taking care of my hair. (Wash, Conditioner, Brush, Not putting it up in a pony tale or bun) I burn candles while in the shower or the tub. If I take a bath, bubbles and either bath bomb or bath salts are added.

I know I still have a long way to go, however, I am excited and happy with how far I have come in loving myself. Everyone deserves love and learning to love yourself helps you see how much you truly deserve.

If you are struggling shoot me a message, maybe I can help, even if I cannot I am here. Comment your response!

Essential Oils for Happiness, Calm Slumber, Cleanse & Protect, and Self Love

 Happiness:

• Lemon

• Peppermint

Calm Slumber:

• Lavender

• Chamomile

Cleanse and Protection:

• Vanilla

• Frankinsense

Self Love:

• Rose

• Ying Yang

Courage

 Six Types of Courage

Physical:

To keep going with resiliency, balance and awareness.

Social:

To be yourself unapologetically.

Moral:

Doing the right thing even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular.

Emotional:

Feeling all your emotions (positive & negative) without guilt or attachment.

Intellectual:

To learn, unlearn and relearn with an open and flexible mind.

Spiritual:

Living with purpose and meaning through a heart centered approach towards all life and oneself.

Past Life Tarot/Oracle Spread

 

1 4 7 10

2 5 8 11

3 6 9

1. Who are you?

2. Gender

3. Childhood

4. Relationships

5. Family

6. Social Status

7. Social Status

8. Occupation

9. Death

10. Lessons Learned

11. How they help you today

Tarot Tricks/Hacks

 

1. Shuffle your cards and count 13 cards down from the top of the deck. The 13th card represents the message you need to hear right now to find your way to your purpose.

2. Get your deck. Locate the Death card. Card in front of it is what you need to focus on. Card behind it is what you need to leave behind.

3. Bring in Money. Shuffle deck, pull out the 1st, 5th, 10th, 12th, & 15th card. These cards will tell you how to bring money your way.

Astrology Cheats

 Your Rising Sign: reflects the way you look

Your Setting Sign: reveals the ideal marriage

Your Sun: is your life-force and your personality

Your Moon: reveals your emotions, fears and desires

Your Mercury: is the way you think and react

Your Venus: is your type of love

Your Mars: is your type of passion

Your Jupiter: shows where you can find your Good Luck

Your Saturn: represents your limitations and karma

Your Uranus: shows what makes you truly unique

Your Neptune: reveals your precious illusions

Your Pluto: exploits what makes you go nuclear

Thousand Years

 ‘I’ve died every day waiting for you.

Darlin’ don’t be afraid

I have loved you for

One thousand years and

I will love you for

One thousand more.’