What is your biggest struggle with loving yourself?
My biggest struggle with loving myself is simply because no one showed their love for me growing up. No one showed me how to love anyone including myself. I am slowly learning and I did have a few people growing up that showed me love, however, I wasn't exactly allowed to be stuck up their asses. My great Aunt Lena and my great Uncle Lonnie. They couldn't have kids, but I was treated as if I was one.
Lena allowed me to play with her jewelry and her makeup. She let me play dress up in her clothes. She'd take me out to the chicken coop and we'd gather eggs together. She let me play her old piano, even though I had no idea how to actually play. I loved wandering about their home and it always felt like a home away from home. It was always quiet and peaceful and sometimes it bothered me so I would of course create some chaos in the mix. Lonnie never seemed bothered by me being around and he'd take me out on the farm to pick veggies or water, or even just a tractor ride. Lena passed when I was around the age of 12. Lonnie passed when I was 19. My oldest and first born son has Lonnie's middle name, James. I was pregnant with him when he passed. Their passing's weren't taken very well for me.
My grandfather was someone else whom I hear stories of. He loved me more than his own children apparently. He passed when I was 5, so I don't remember very much.
My Pop's. Pop's was introduced to me later in my life, roughly 24-ish. He isn't related to me by blood, but he will always be a father figure to me. He showed me unconditional love, he helped me when I desperately need someone and he encouraged me to chase my dreams. Pop's passed several years ago, unfortunately I was unable to be around during that time.
All of these people showed me in different ways how to love and how I should love myself. It has taken me until now to actually see what I needed to see in myself to love me for me. To embrace myself. I truly am enjoying learning who the true me is. I like standing my ground and living my life to the fullest. I still struggle with the "When are you due?" "What are you having?" I am so over the pregnancy questions. I am trying to incorporate a workout routine for myself and having the time isn't exactly the issue either, it's the comfortability of who is around me. I'm not self conscious I don't think, however, I may have some discomfort with others watching or seeing me workout. I am growing my hair out, I keep telling people it's because I made people promises, mainly because I made myself a promise. I will not cut more than an inch off at a time and only once a month.
I have incorporated a self care day at least once a week, which is technically going great because I am showering at least 3 days a week for work and taking care of my hair. (Wash, Conditioner, Brush, Not putting it up in a pony tale or bun) I burn candles while in the shower or the tub. If I take a bath, bubbles and either bath bomb or bath salts are added.
I know I still have a long way to go, however, I am excited and happy with how far I have come in loving myself. Everyone deserves love and learning to love yourself helps you see how much you truly deserve.
If you are struggling shoot me a message, maybe I can help, even if I cannot I am here. Comment your response!
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