2020

When you think about them all day

When you daydream about them

When you question if they are okay

When you're only worried about them

When you can't sleep

When you stress eat

When all you want to do is be with them

When all you want is to hold them

When all you want is to kiss them

When all you want is for them to know you are here

When all you want to do is cook for them

When you stop typing the message and erase the paragraph...

I thought I knew you better than anyone but even I could not see your sword plunging straight into my heart. I now live my life in paranoia of letting someone ever get that close again. Will they do the same. Will their dagger look differently. Will it be a nice shade of red as well. 

She knows...

He's not hers to have...

Yet she still loves him

And the thing that makes her cry at night

Is the fact that

She couldn't help falling for him

And if she could

She would

But she knows...

That is clearly impossible.

I originally wrote this on a sticky note:

We can just be bedhead in the morning. If you wake up on the wrong side, I can be a smile that tries anyway. We can just be you and me, hand in hand walking nowhere, laughing hard at nothing with no plans of stopping. We can just be car rides where I ask you to drive. If you let me change the station I'll let you keep the windows open. We can just be the best and worst things that have happened to each other. We can just be broken pieces glued together. We can just be your trust and my fear of letting go. You can just be you. And I can just be me. And we can just be us.

There was this to ponder,

he was either the love of my life,

the one whom I had roamed

all of heaven and earth 

in search of or a 

muse sent by the angels

to catapult me out of my 

former destruction.

but either way I looked at it

it was ultimately him that saved me

and for that,

what other choice do I have

but to love him?

if you love them, you'll let them go...I never understood that phrase, until I met you. I loved you so much that I let you go, so you could find your own happiness. Even if that meant I wouldn't be the one making you happy.

and so this isn't goodbye

this is the realization that

our souls have been

eternally tied;

the moment in time

where I vow to 

always pray for you

to wish you the best

and to love you

in all the ways

refused by the rest.

 a love like yours and mine...is no freak accident. we are a messy, yet beautiful predestined collision.

I hate you for being my safe space.

When you're distant...

Nothing can hide me from the storms waves

Tearing me apart and leaving me empty.

In your arms,

I am free, protected.

They creep in the shadows..

Waiting for you to be gone

If only you would stay...

If I told you that you were everything I ever wanted, could I have you?